Down Town: Five pubs Taking us from Michigan Avenue to Clark St

4.00pm: The Ritz Carlton Greenroom Bar (160 E Pearson, Water Tower Place) – Where better to start the world’s longest pub crawl than a hotel? From its 12^th floor bar (yes…we found a 12^th floor bar), let the descent begin in a literal and figurative sense.

4.50pm: Streeters (50 E Chicago Ave, Near North) – The 12^th Pub immediately drops 13 floors and dips below terra firma for the first time, in a pub named after an area named after a guy who tried to annex a swamp. They tell me this was a poor part of town before the swamp was drained. But Streeters ensures that if you go deep enough below the surface, its not entirely dry.

5.40pm: Celtic Crossings (751 N Clark St, River North) – Obligatory Irish bar. When visited the other night, it looked like the quintessential smoky Paddy pub. They haven’t come in the smoky variety in Ireland for two years.

6.30pm: Clark St Ale House (diagonally opposite Celtic Crossings, River North) – Its across-the-streetness from Celtic Crossings is a winner. With a collection of their own beers, it provides us with a chance to sample some native Chicago beers.

7.20pm: Rock Bottom Brewery (1 W Grand St, River North) – Presented us with an irresistible chance to go with back-to-back breweries. Although the hyped upstairs bar is apparently closed during the winter months, the ground floor vibe seemed good the other night. A vast pool table area will allow those with an interest in pub sports to establish a pecking order. Fortunately, pint four represents the beginning of the anomaly zone, where unskilled players like us sometimes cause upsets.

Wicker Park/Bucktown: Seven more in the Bucktown/Wicker Park area

8.10pm: The Charleston (2076 N Hoyne St, Bucktown) – When visited the other day, the bar lady talked about having the craft table set up so people could make their own planets. This was an unsolicited reference to the solar system and was as perplexing to us as it is to you now. It was probably going to make the cut anyway on account of its bohemian feel but planet-making is a deal-sealer if ever there was one.

9.00pm: The Map Room (1949 N Hoyne St, Bucktown) – A continuation of the same neighbourhood feel as the Charleston but planetary ties are limited to the maps of Earth plastered to the walls.

9.50pm: The Lincoln Tavern (cnr Wabansia & Wolcott) – One last flirtation with old mannery before kicking on to more boisterous establishments. (We appreciate flirtation is an unfortunate word in this context).

10.40pm: The Blue Line (1548 N Damen St) – The 12^th Pub has never been in this place but we do take the advice of civil engineers. When one told us that he’d not been here either but had heard it was good…well we knew what to do. Unfortunately for same engineer, we have not heeded his advice to avoid the next destination.

11.30pm: Cans and Canteen (1640 N Damen St) – Chicago revealed!! Just when the citizens of Chicago thought they’d duped the 12^th Pub and steered us to a credible assortment of ‘Dive bars’, we heard mention of this little number. Reputed to be full of so-called douchebags, trixies and loud frat boys who’ve grown up only in a chronological sense. No city is safe from our nose for yuppies. Be prepared to be embarrassed, Chicago.

12.10pm: The Northside Bar and Grill (1635 N Damen St) – Stand back Clark St Ale House-to-Celtic Crossings connection, you’re about to be usurped at the 11^th hour by the two closest bars of the Chicago leg. A smooth cross-street transition for those looking for an easier route at this time.

12.50pm: Lotties (1925 W Cortland) – A brisk walk takes us to what looks an inconspicuous corner bar and maybe it is, but it was once an illicit gambling hall for the mobsters of Chicago. Or at least that’s what we’ve heard. The 12^th Pub sticks to stories.

If you are intending to meet up along the way, bear in mind that these times are a guide only. If you are having trouble finding us, call 708 612 4181 and get ready to decipher confusing directions.